n i c k y n a x . c o m

This is week one hundred in my personal “If… Project” in which I answer questions from the book “If… (Questions for the Game of Life)”

There are 125 pages of this book, each with four questions. I plan to take one page each week and answer the questions as thoroughly and honestly as I am able. In addition, I invite you to answer the questions along with me, whether it be in the comments section, your own personal blog, or just within your own thoughts.

Perhaps in doing so, we will get to know each other better, but even more importantly, get to know ourselves better.

This week’s questions:

If you were allowed to eat only one vegetable for the rest of your life, which one would it be?

Asking a Vegan to pick a favorite vegetable is like asking a mother to pick her favorite child. Well, except my mother. That’s an easy choice for her.

This Sophie’s choice is by no means easy, but I will choose broccoli.

If you could change the ending of any book ever written, which one would you pick and how would you change it?

Twilight. And it would say, “If you got to this, the final sentence of this book, without putting it down out of disgust, then I pity you.”

If you had to spend one weekend alone in a single store but could remove nothing, which store would you pick?

Easy. Ikea. They’d have tons of rooms to play in. Furniture to sit/sleep on. And a cafe to eat in.

If you could referee or judge one sport as a permanent job, which would you choose?

Dance

Those are my answers to this week’s questions. What are yours?

This is week ninety-nine in my personal “If… Project” in which I answer questions from the book “If… (Questions for the Game of Life)”

There are 125 pages of this book, each with four questions. I plan to take one page each week and answer the questions as thoroughly and honestly as I am able. In addition, I invite you to answer the questions along with me, whether it be in the comments section, your own personal blog, or just within your own thoughts.

Perhaps in doing so, we will get to know each other better, but even more importantly, get to know ourselves better.

This week’s questions:

If you plane was about to crash and you had time to write one quick note, to whom would you write, and what would you say?

I would write a letter to my family, of course. And it would tell them that I loved them and that I hoped I was able to make them proud.

If you were to adopt an orphan from another country, which country would the child come from?

A Scandinavian country, because those children grow up to be gorgeous!

If you were to pick a moment in history when, all things considered, the world was better off, which would it be?

The Clinton Administration

If you could change one thing to make life easier for your gender, what would you change?

The ability to never get the toilet seat wet when peeing.

Those are my answers to this week’s questions. What are yours?

Look what came back from the doctors at the Genius Bar yesterday. Good as new and life is beautiful again!

I was right. Not having a computer has meant that I’ve resorted to cleaning my apartment to pass the time. The humanity.

While cleaning up a shelf in my bedroom that somehow turned into a black hole of papers, I came across a letter I had written to Kevin as we were going our separate ways and then never actually given to him.

And I realized that it was one year ago today when Kevin told me he wanted to end our relationship and I entered into the land of Singleville again. At the time I thought my life was over (what a difference a year makes). And while I don’t necessarily like living in the past, even though it’s a place in which I am quite used to living, sometimes it’s good to use anniversaries of life events as an opportunity to reflect, take personal stock, and move forward.

So, I am going to do just that. I’ve now had a year to get reacquainted with myself, and this year of being single again has allowed me the time to actually get to know myself as an adult instead of as the still slightly naive and idealistic mid-twenty year old I was before Kevin entered my life.

I did some growing up due to my experiences with him, and that’s a good thing. And now that I’ve come through the other side of it a better, wiser person and given myself this time to get to know this new version of me, I think that makes me better equipped to meet and start a relationship with someone new and not be doomed to repeat and relive previous problems.

So what exactly have I learned?

For starters, I’ve learned that I am, in fact, capable of loving someone and allowing them into my life. It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was extremely difficult and at times I wanted to run away and close myself off to avoid it altogether. But I didn’t. I stayed. I opened up beyond my comfort zone, allowed someone to get to know me on a deeper level than I ever had before, and while it wasn’t always roses and candy, it was so deeply fulfilling to know that I had been able to do that and share that sort of relationship with someone. And now that I’ve done it once, I know that it can be done. And that will make getting to that point with someone in the future just a little bit easier.

I’ve learned that I can, in fact, live with someone beyond just a roommate arrangement. I’ve always been a little territorial when it comes to my things. Maybe that comes from growing up with no siblings near me in age and never really having to share my belongings growing up, but whatever the reason it was always something about which I held some reservations. I just never had a good feeling in stomach if someone else was in my stuff or in my space. It worked out for the most part when I had roommates because we had our own separate bedrooms and sanctuaries to retire to, but living with your significant other doesn’t afford you that benefit. And I was really scared when Kevin suggested we live together. But, I put my faith in knowing that it was the right thing to do, and it ended up being a non-issue completely. I find that nowadays I actually look forward to the day when I am at that point with a future partner that we decide to live together and make a home. I miss it.

I’ve also learned that as much as I may want to, I can’t change somebody else. They be completely perfect except for one thing, but no matter how much I ignore that one thing, make excuses for that one thing, or try to change that one thing, it won’t go away by any means of mine. It will actually become a giant thorn in my paw and be one of the main factors that lead to the relationship ending. I think this has made me more aware of red flags with new guys I meet and I’m more willing to move on instead of ignoring the issues or trying to fix them. The right one is out there. I don’t need to create him out of someone who isn’t quite right.

I’ve also learned that I deserve more than I was originally accepting as enough. It someone is going to be in a relationship with me, they need to be giving me the same thing emotionally that I am giving them. Love is a two-way street, and I am not going to be the only person driving on it next time. And if someone can’t be as invested as they should be, then I’m not going to wait around waiting for things to get better on their own like last time.

I also learned that I can not allow myself to get to the point where I lose grasp of who I am. When Kevin left and moved out, I had trouble even figuring out who I was anymore. I had begun to define myself as being part of an “us” that I was no longer a “me” anymore. And once he was gone I was only able to see who I wasn’t. And it took me awhile to figure out who “I” was again. I can’t allow myself to lose my own identity. Someone is going to fall in love with me for who I am, and if I lose who I am, then that takes the relationship down a completely different path. I have to maintain who I am and bring that to a relationship to complement who he is. Two individuals making one complete pair. Not two people who have melded into the same hybrid unit.

I’ve learned that communication really is the key. Problems don’t fix themselves. People fix problems. And people can’t fix those problems with open and clear communication. I wad always so afraid of causing an argument or upsetting Kevin that I never went to him with my problems. And those problems, in turn, never got fixed. And look where that ended up.

Most importantly, I’ve learned that I deserve better. And I’m going to get it.

Those are just a few of the life lessons I’ve picked up now that I’ve had a year to cope, heal and reflect on the previous year. And I’m a firm believer in that if you are able to learn anything at all, then even the worst of experiences isn’t all bad.

I now know what it feels like to give a child up for adoption.

Ok, that’s a bit dramatic, but I experienced a great loss yesterday.

My beloved MacBook Pro fell severely ill. And no amount of mouth to mouth could bring him back.

After a visit to the Genius Bar, I was informed I would have to part with him for five to seven business days, which for me is as tragic as making a heroin addict go cold turkey.

To add to my misery, the genius told me I also might lose all of my files. All of them. All seven thousand photos. All six thousand songs. All of my videos. All of my porn! Tragedy!

I had never bothered backing up my system, because “I’m never going to have a problem where I would need to.”

Excuse me, waiter, but do you have some ketchup I can put on my words before I eat them?

Needless to say, I’m currently mortified that I will be without my computer and potentially lose everything that was on it.

And also a bit mortified that whomever works on my computer to fix it will undoubtedly get a gander at some pictures that were meant for my eyes only.

Whoops!

Leaving the Genius Bar while it stayed behind felt like what I imagine a parent feels as their child leaves home for college.

The only potentially good thing that can come out of this experience is that I may actually find the time to clean my apartment.

This is week ninety-eight in my personal “If… Project” in which I answer questions from the book “If… (Questions for the Game of Life)”

There are 125 pages of this book, each with four questions. I plan to take one page each week and answer the questions as thoroughly and honestly as I am able. In addition, I invite you to answer the questions along with me, whether it be in the comments section, your own personal blog, or just within your own thoughts.

Perhaps in doing so, we will get to know each other better, but even more importantly, get to know ourselves better.

This week’s questions:

If you were to permanently give up sex for one thing other than money, what would you do it for?

Either a free, gorgeous 2-bedroom luxury apartment fully furnished in a high-rise in midtown Manhattan with 360-degree views. Or hummus for life.

If you could tell your boss one thing with complete impunity, what would you say?

The funny thing about the internet is that you never know who might be reading what you publish on it. So, I abstain.

If you could have prevented one natural disaster that actually happened, what would it be?

Well, take your pick from any of the hurricanes or earthquakes or tsunamis that or whatevers that have ever happened. Each was tragic.

If you could hold one position in current government, what would you want to do?

Does Downward Dog count? I’m not political at all.

Those are my answers to this week’s questions. What are yours?

I want a dog. I really do. But when I visit someone who has a dog and I remember that you have to deal with things like this… I change my mind.

As I mentioned earlier this week, Bossy Bear accompanied me to Philadelphia and had a great time seeing the sites. Here’s a handful of pictures from his day in Philly.

And just in case you were curious, I shockingly am a grown adult.

I’m like the Pied Piper of winter weather, it seems.

Philly got a nasty blizzard over the weekend while I was there, and now New York is getting hit with one.

It’s nowhere near as much accumulation as what Philly saw, but based on the way a lot of people in the city are reacting, you’d think we were just all buried alive, never to see the light of day again.

And here I thought New Yorkers were supposed to be more badass than that?

I think it’s kinda pretty and nice to experience things like this that don’t happen all that often, but apparently that puts me in the minority. Whatever.

Here’s a shot from my living room window.

Bundle up!

I think I’ve made a huge mistake.

Last night I registered for the 2011 Goofy’s Race and a Half Challenge.

What that means is that next January I will make a trip to Orlando to run again. However, this one ups the ante a little bit.

Up until now my Disney race experience has been me waking up early (while most people are still out from the night before), running a race, collecting my medal and going on about my life for a year before doing it again.

The Goofy Race and a Half Challenge is an entirely different beast though. It involves running a Half Marathon on Saturday, and then waking up Sunday morning and running a Full Marathon. The very next day. For a total of 39.3 miles.

I know that I am not ready for this challenge. I know it’s going to take a lot of training, and possibly no amount of training can make me ready for this. It could just be something that is beyond the realms of what my body can physically handle. And my normal half-assed training that I’ve done for marathons 2, 3, and 4 will not cut it. No chance no way. I’m seriously going to have to buckle down and work hard for this. And quite honestly, I don’t know if I’m disciplined enough to do it.

So, why register at all? Good question.

Back in the spring of 2006 after I decided I would run my first marathon, I made a promise to myself that I would do the Goofy Challenge for my fifth year. And I’m just too pig-headed to not do it.

That’s why. I’m stubborn. And after four marathons I needed to do something to change it up a bit. And apparently I thought this was the way to do it.

So, 11 months from now I will either fail miserably and be humiliated, or surprise myself and surpass what I currently think I am physically capable of. I’m obviously hoping for the latter.

But right now that 39.3 miles feels more like a million.