The Sago Palm of Death

A couple months ago, I went on this spree where I started decorating my apartment. We all know the real motivations behind it, so there’s no point delving into that, but after spending a few hundred dollars on things like picture frames, candles, and other small decorative items from the Brooklyn IKEA, I also dropped a hundred dollars on some nice potted plants at the local flower shop.

I always feel like plants help make a house feel more like a home, so I really wanted to get one for each room. I chose a nice, full Sago Palm for my nightstand as I had had one of these in a previous apartment I had lived in and liked the look of it. Also, having a palm of any type reminded me of Florida, which is always a good thing. That one had died when Miss Jackson decided she would eat it.

Come to find out later that the Sago Palm is highly poisonous to consume.

Whoops!

Anyway, I have had this one for a couple months now, and recently something odd began to happen. Perhaps not odd in the world of Sago Palms, but it never happened with my old one, so it’s odd as far as I’m concerned.

The plant itself is made up of three palm-like branches that sprout out of a center bulb-like base. But one morning I woke up to discover that two thin…. stems (for lack of a better word) had started sprouting from the base as well. No biggie, I thought. It’s just new palm fronds growing. But over the past month since I first noticed them, they have yet to form into palm fronds. Instead they just keep getting taller and taller and taller. With little buds along their surface at approximately every inch or so.

They are now over two feet tall and still showing no signs of turning into anything resembling a Sago Palm. And of course since I have an overactive imagination, I’ve decided that I’ve got my own little Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors sitting on my nightstand and he’s slowly growing long tentacles which, once long enough, will reach over and choke me in the middle of the night, drag me off the bed, and pull me over so he can slowly devour me and begin to take over the planet.

I’m sure there’s a completely logical explanation for the bizarre things growing out of my plant, but for now, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.