Facebook normally serves as a big time waster and distraction for me, but every now and then it can also serve as a time machine to the past and cause you to reflect on where you began, where you are now, and the path you took to get there.
Recently, via Facebook, I came back into contact with my very first “boyfriend.”
His name was Adam. And this is our story.
I was 17. It was the summer between my junior and senior year of high school, and my friend Alissa had just graduated and moved to Ames, IA to attend a summer program at Iowa State University before her actual freshman year started. She was the only person in school that I had come out to at that time, so I had a close bond to her that I didn’t share with other people.
I went to Ames to spend a weekend with her at the beginning of that summer, and one of the places she took me was to a meeting of the campus’ Gay and Lesbian Alliance Organization. It was a pretty small group (it was summer break for most people, after all), but it was the first time I had been completely surrounded by people who were all like me. And I was able to be myself and completely open about myself for the first time in my life.
But even more exciting to me was the boy who was sitting in the corner of the room whom I found quite cute. He had a short little haircut, an orange shirt, and thick-rimmed sunglasses with yellow-tinted lenses. (Hey, it was 1997 and it was the middle of Iowa. Fashion was lost on us). We never spoke, and to be quite honest, I didn’t even think he noticed me.
About a month later, I received an email from a boy named Adam (him!) who had gotten my address from a friend who had gotten it from another friend who had gotten it from another friend. He said he had seen me at the Alliance meeting the previous month, thought I was cute, and wanted to say hi.
The coincidence in the situation is that when he sent that email, I was actually back in Ames visiting Alissa again. So, we set up a date.
My. First. Date. EVER.
I was petrified. I had no idea what to do. I was so nervous I felt like I was going to vomit. Alissa did her best to keep me calm, but it wasn’t working. I was a wreck. And on top of that, when I had packed for the weekend, I had no clue I would be going on a date, so I had nothing to wear except for the very dressed-down t-shirt and jeans.
He came to pick me up, and we went to a place called Ruttle’s 50′s Grill. I assume we ate food while we were there, but all I can remember are the milkshakes we drank. We had a window seat that looked out over the parking lot directly in front of his car, a little Honda Accord that he had outfitted with fuzzy zebra print seat covers.
After Ruttle’s he took a picture of me next to his car, though for the life of me I can’t remember why. I’m getting a vague memory of him saying he loved photography or was taking a photography class or something like that. But I could very well be making that up in order to make the photo shoot make more sense. He took me back to Alissa’s and we parted ways. I don’t even think we kissed goodnight. Just a hug.
And that was the end of my first date.
We kept in touch via the Internet and decided that we would be boyfriends. Pretty easy commitment to make to someone when you live over three hours away and rarely see each other. And even though we were both very young and were having an Internet relationship, it was very real to me as it was another big part of my self-discovery and growth and acceptance of my own homosexuality.
And even though we were barely actual boyfriends, it still broke my heart when he told me he had met someone else; someone who lived there in Ames. I knew he would better off being in a relationship with someone he would able to see regularly and totally supported him in pursuing that relationship, but it still hurt a little.
We saw each other one or two more times over the next year or two, and remained good friends. But after I moved to NYC, we slowly lost touch and years passed.
Then came Facebook.
Very recently we found each other (as well as finding Alissa), and we have gotten back in touch. We reminisced about the times we spent together and started catching up on what’s been going on since we lost touch.
He’s now in a relationship that’s about to hit its five year mark. They own a house together, and everything seems to be going well for him. It feels great having him back in my life and to know that he’s happy. He was a big important person to me, and it was wonderful having him there during a very transitional, and scary, period of my life.
I went rummaging through some old pictures, and was thrilled to find the picture he took of me during our first (and my first ever) date. Excuse the quality of it, as it’s a picture of a picture and therefore not the best quality. But this was a big milestone in my life, and while it may have been a little bizarre for him to take the picture at the time, I’m so glad he did and that I have it now.
