I Never Warmed This House

I just got home from attending a friend’s Birthday/Housewarming Brunch/Party in Washington Heights. I hadn’t been to that neighborhood in at least five years since I had lived there. It’s always weird going back somewhere that you used to spend every day of your life, but have since left behind for such a long time. You are instantly flooded with memories of those days and then smacked with the realization of “Oh sweet Jesus, I’ve gotten old.”

Her apartment was really cute. I had forgotten how spacious some of the apartments up in that neighborhood could be. Her hallway was probably the widest one I’ve ever seen in a NYC apartment. Things like that would probably go unnoticed in apartments or homes anywhere else in the country, but in this city, where hallways tend to be of the long, dark and narrow variety, hers was so wide in comparison that it was the first thing I noticed upon entering her place. I believe the I commented on it by saying “You could do pirouettes in that hallway!” And if there weren’t people there that I didn’t personally know all that well, I would have proven that statement by demonstrating.

While at the party and in transit to and from I was able to point out some of the locations that set the scene for some of the more interesting things I had experienced in those days. For example, The Popeye’s where the clientele started gay bashing me one night. The subway platform where I was mugged at knifepoint by two guys. You know, those special times we cherish and hold on to.

While at the brunch I realized that I never actually threw a housewarming party for my current apartment. In a couple months, I will reach my two year anniversary in this place, and I never got around to throwing a party. I would totally organize and plan one now, because, well, we could always use the gifts that come along with such events, but I feel like having one two years after I actually moved in would be a little tacky and pretty transparent.

Plus, then I would actually have to clean my apartment, and why even bother pretending that that will ever really happen.

I think at this point I just need to cut my losses and come to terms with the fact that I missed out on having one and move on. But if anyone wanted to get me a belated Housewarming gift for that party I always meant to throw but never got around to, I certainly wouldn’t stop them.

And maybe as a thank you, I would give that very generous person an invitation to the Dinner Party I plan to throw. Because, you know, I’ve had “Host a Dinner Party” on my Life List for about 15 months now, and have yet to even remotely consider actually doing it.

Because, if it were to happen, it would be another instance of me having to actually clean my apartment. AND prepare and cook a meal. That people will actually eat. And hopefully enjoy.

Yeah, never gonna happen.